The Corsair
The Corsair Pirate Awards, Part II. The Best and Worst of Media, Culture and Politics, 2022
The Last Movie Star: Tom Cruise. Aside from Tom Cruise, are there any other viable “movie stars” that emerged from the cinematic wreckage that was 2022? Superheroes not included — those are suits, inherited, not superlative examples of A-list movie stardom. "Movie stars,” said AO “Tony” Scott on New York Times Close Up this week, “… are close to a dying breed.” And, frankly, he’s got a point.
Filmgoers this year went to see Batman, Avatar, the dinosaurs of Jurassic World and Thor. These are not movie stars, these are the stuff of dreams and of human fantasy. Not to judge! After the nightmare of COVID lockups and the serene security of streaming at home with loved ones, going to the theater is still, quite literally, a risky proposition. It is not inconceivable that at this early date after the heights of COVID infections, only dinosaur spectacles, horror bloodscapes and giant superhero films will get people out of the house and into confined spaces with other people in the dark for hours at a time to share oxygen. Perhaps this ultimately says more about the durability of the Tom Cruise brand and Top Gun than it does for the state of movie stars going forward. The jury is still out.
The news, to be sure, is not all bad. “There are a lot of other ways to be famous, and the rise of social media influencers and other micro-celebrities can be seen as a democratic upswelling against the old Hollywood aristocracy,” Scott wrote of the shifting landscape. “As the luster of stars has ebbed, the quality of acting has blossomed.” So there’s that.
Luxury Backlash: SuperYachts. As inflation rates peaked, oil prices oscillated wildly and Russian missiles rained down on the Ukraine with furious anger, gaudy superyachts linked to oily, amoral oligarchs were no longer viewed with awe and admiration in the gossip pages. In fact, the rococo volume and absurd dimensions of these monstrosities became recognized for what indeed they were — pleasure barges for very bad geopolitical actors.
Those seized superyachts were auctioned off with the monies to be sent to the Ukrainian Asset Recovery and Management Agency (ARMA). Frankly, those sea behemoths would serve humanity better rendered to scrap metal, but — whatever.
Breakout Star of 2022. Stephanie Hsu. Even as the notion of the A-List celebrity that can “open” a film has fallen severely into question, Stephanie Hsu, the scene stealer par excellence from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has defied show business gravity. Neither Thor nor Black Panther, her ability to steal a scene achieved nova flame on screen in “Everything Everywhere All at Once,” the scifi comedy that has garnered both critical raves and box office mega-success. Of her character, Joy, she told the LATimes: “I channeled into the idea of Joy being a ‘hyper empath.’ It’s a term used by Octavia Butler in one of her books that means someone who feels so much that they absorb every bit of news they read, every homeless person on the street — it completely swallows them. I wanted Joy to feel overwhelmed by the chaos of the world.” And she did it all without being a velociraptor.
The Perfect Victim: Amber Heard. The defamation suit has been settled; the questions remain. In early summer it seemed as if most of the interwebs despised Amber Heard unequivocally. The attacks were beyond vicious. There seemed to be a concerted desire on the right side of the web — and even the center — to destroy her career through public humiliation.
Heard was, on social media, a thirsty evil. Gold digger; harlot; not-that-hot-anymore. The usual epithets thrown about at a woman that dares to speak up after a bad marriage. But having watched untold hours of the trial testimony, it seems not an easy call to make as to who of these two pampered, spoiled stars was the worse mate. But still the backlash against Amber Heard, perhaps a backlash against the “Me Too” movement, escalated. “No matter how damning the evidence may look in court, social media tells a different story: Instagram and TikTok are full of memes casting Depp as the victim and Heard as the abuser, intent on making a money grab that will tank her ex’s career,” Claire Lampen wrote for The Cut. “Nearly five years after exposés on Harvey Weinstein’s serial predation laid bare the ways powerful men leverage their influence to cover up misconduct, Depp v. Heard feels like a jarring regression.”
Hot, Fertile Mess Award: Elon Musk. A certain type of boy — and none dare call it Man — remains obsessed with the story of 13th century warlord Genghis Khan’s sexual prowess. It is said that Khan, at his “least wrathful,” left his Y-chromosome data in the DNA of a full 8 percent of all the people presently living in the lands that were of the former Mongol empire. To which Elon Musk sayeth, “hold my Chardonnay!”
The Musk’s personal obsession with Genghis Khan seeding the human race with his DNA and his own attempts to surpass that dubious record are … infinitely creepy. It suggests the perfect storm of Libertarianism, Eugenics and Tech Geek Fianlly Getting Laid.
The King of Brotopia — with his pronouncements, his multiple children with different mothers and his consummate wooing of the Joe Rogan wing of the Republican Party — offended massively. And like father, like son, as it turns out. From Rolling Stone:
(In July 2022), Musk’s father, Errol Musk, 76, revealed that he had a second child with his stepdaughter Jana Bezuidenhout, 34, three years ago — and gave the creepiest explanation as to why.
“The only thing we are on Earth for is to reproduce,” Errol told The Sun. (Hold your vomit.)
It’s no surprise then that his son Elon — with nine children that we know of — has previously said he wants to do his “best to help the underpopulation crisis” by having as many children as humanly possible since he thinks that “a collapsing birth rate is the biggest danger civilization faces by far.”
Whether or not the world needs more Musks — it doesn’t — that won’t stop them. Nothing short of a male chastity belt and Mormon undergarments will stop Elon from his ceaseless impregnating. Horrible mention goes out to Nick Cannon.
Scrooge Award: The New York Times. Despite the fact that the paper of record is doing incredibly well — its digital subscriptions are in ascent and Publisher A.G. Sulzberger's compensation is rising — Times journalists are still not getting raises. The treatment of The New York Times Guild really defies logic, especially at a time of inflation. “Not only that, until last week, 21 months after the newsroom’s union contract expired, Times management was insisting on eliminating its journalists’ pension plan and cutting its overall contributions to their health and retirement plans, notwithstanding the company’s vastly improved operating profits,” writes Steve Greenhouse at The American Prospect. Will Ebenezer Scrooge eventually get it and come through for the journos that make the paper the best in the world?
The Phantom Menace: Lee Zeldin. In losing, Zeldin has become something of a right-wing martyr. Buoyed by the all-crime-all-the-time tabloids and talk radio, former Congressman Zeldin, who came unusually close to becoming the new Governor of New York state, surprisingly won the Hamptons, which are usually more aquamarine than red state. He is, despite the political temperature of the state and his creepy, authoritarian politics, a rising star in the party. He was also aided by redistricting and a terrible, horrible, no good weak tea of a state Democratic party this election cycle.
Fashion trailblazer: Andre Leon Talley. One of the few African-Americans that worked for Conde Nast in the 90s has left the building. Back in the 80s and 90s it was considered nothing out of the usual that almost the entire editorial staff at glossy magazines in the Conde Nast — and Hearst — empires were reserved for white people with the right social connections (Also the TV industry, but that’s for another day). ALT left us too soon. In January on Substack I wrote:
Imagine the will, the tenacity and the perseverance of such a rise! How did he do it? He advanced, to be sure, because he was allowed in the room, but also because he was significantly the most qualified by far. Anna Wintour has noted that Talley was her superior in knowledge of fashion history, from which she learned quite a bit during their time together. Wintour and Talley were among the most influential voices in fashion for decades. They participated in the world of style that they were largely helping to create. And from that position at the top he advocated for diversity, but even more so when he was beyond the gilded cage of Conde Nast.
But, at what cost? Would Andre have lived beyond 73 if he had not had to fight so hard for so long and alone? No one knows; but the question should at least be asked.
RIP
More 2022 Year End Corsair Pirate Awards tomorrow and the week after.
The January 6 Committee urges the DoJ to charge Trump with Insurrection. (TNR)
The rise and fall of Elon Musk. (The Nation)
Steven Spielberg truly regrets the influence of Jaws on the decimation of the shark population. (THR)
Rappers minds blown by Nardwuar (YouTube)
Ghana backs off claims of Russian mercenaries in Burkina Faso (SEMAFOR)
Directors on the Best Films of 2022. (Variety)